Pinned post

THINGS I WILL DO ON THIS ACCOUNT:
-MAKE EXCELLENT POSTS
-BE ENDLESSLY CHARMING AND FUNNY
-FURTHER MY MAGICAL RESEARCH OUT OF BOTH GENUINE CURIOSITY AND ALSO SPITE DIRECTED AT THE MEMBERS OF ACADEMIA WHO HAVE WRONGED ME

THINGS I WILL NOT DO ON THIS ACCOUNT:
-I WILL NOT HEX YOUR NEIGHBOR'S DOG. JUST TALK OUT YOUR PROBLEMS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. OR I CAN JUST HEX YOUR NEIGHBOR INSTEAD WHY BRING THE DOG INTO IT

@req god damn it

@kara stop swapping the dust jackets on my spellbooks, one of your

“””””””””hydromancy”””””””

tomes got in my bookshelf again

y'all ready for Cyber Monday? I put on my robe and wizard hat just for the occasion

YOU ALL: OH BOY! POLYMORPH SPELLS!
THE PERVY PHANTOMANCER: I'M CASTING IT... AND I'M JACKING OFF TO IT!!!!!

COMING UP WITH A NEW SPELL TO FUCK THE BAGEL. I JUST CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO DO IT MYSELF

PEOPLE TELL ME "KARA YOU'VE GOT TOO MANY STAVES AND TOMES! YOU KEEP TRIPPING OVER YOUR PILED UP STAVES AND TOMES WHEN YOU GO TO THE BATHROOM AT NIGHT" WELL THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE A RESPLENDENT AMOUNT OF STAVES AND/OR TOMES WOULD SAY

every time i say pussy a mastodon dot social moderator gets blasted into dust. likes to charge boosts to cast

IF SWIFF READ MY DMS THEY WOULD FIND THE THOUSANDS OF HEXES I SEND OUT TO VARIOUS NE'ER-DO-WELLS DAILY

FUN LITTLE SPELL THAT YOU GET FREE WITH YOUR MASTODON ACCOUNT: IT'S CALLED SPELL OF LOGGING OFF! JUST PRESS THAT FUNNY LITTLE ARROW THERE AND YOU'LL POOF OUT OF EXISTENCE

COLLEAGUES TOLD ME THAT I COULDN'T HANDLE THEY/THEM PUSSY AND THEY WERE RIGHT, BUT I MADE A SLIGHT MIXUP AND NOW I'M INDEBTED TO THE SEELIE COURT

YOU: GIVE ME THE FEMBOY TF SPELL
ME, TIED TO CHAIR: FCUK YOU
YOU: [PUNCHES ME] TELL ME WHAT GRIMOIRE HAS THAT SPELL
ME: GOT O HELL

REPORTED BY EVERY MEMBER OF ALCHEMY DOT SOCIAL FOR POSTING "PISSING INTO A HUGE JUG AND DOING THINGS TO IT THATS ALCHEMY BABEY"

CASTING A SPELL TO OBLITERATE YOUR GENDER: NO FEMBOY REQUIRED

GENDER WAS INVENTED BY WIZARDS IN 1954 IN ORDER TO SELL MORE TRANSGENDERING SPELLS. EVERYONE WAS PRETTY AMBIVALENT ABOUT THIS BUT IT STARTED AN EXTREMELY POPULAR MANGA SUBCULTURE SO OVERALL IT WAS FINE

I WENT TO A NORMAL DELI TO GET A NORMAL SANDWICH AND THEN WHEN I LEFT I SHRUNK A COP CAR LIKE A COMPLETELY NORMAL PERSON. THAT'S NORMAL

Show thread

SOME MAY ASK "KARA, WHY DO YOU TRY SO HARD TO MAKE WIZARD POSTS?" TO WHICH I REPLY: I MUST. DO YOU THINK EVERY MOMENT OF A WIZARD'S LIFE IS FULL OF WHIMSY? AM I GOING TO POST "OH I WENT DOWN TO THE MAGIC DELI TO GET A WIZARD SANDWICH" NO FUCK OFF

Show older
Wizzzard Tower

Hometown is adapted from Mastodon, a decentralized social network with no ads, no corporate surveillance, and ethical design.